The Walk

Massey kept holding her from tripping. High on her generous vodka spree, she was swaying while walking on her wobbly feet. Massey looked around the desolated road they were trudging on but, expecting a mode of  transport at 2 o'clock in the morning was rather senseless. Moreover, it wasn't too bad; the experience of walking on the quaint pavements of beach road with the beautiful blue-black sea gurgling at occasional intervals at one side.

Pondicherry looked magical at night. The vast expanse of sparsely populated areas against a deep blue sky and a breathtakingly beautiful sea could cast an enchanting spell on anyone's senses. 

Rags maintained the trippy-tizzy walk with Massey by her side while mumbling some incomprehensible stuff to herself.

'Huh?' asked Massey. 'You said something?'
Rags nodded while looking down at the road.
'You love me...?' she asked.
'Do you doubt that?' he chuckled.
She stopped, turned around and stood in front of him. Her petite frame glowed under the yellow-orange street light. Massey couldn't help noticing just how beautiful she looked in that moment. Her auburn curls accentuated by the soft light from the street lamp above, gleaming glassy eyes and a curved mouth made a picture perfect frame.

Tip toeing on her feet she stretched herself to her maximum height, managing to reach just around Massey's chest. He held her close by her waist; his fingers fitting snugly between her bare waist curve and the hem of her cropped cotton top.

She looked up at him, taking in every bit of his chiseled features,
'Say you love me..'
He smiled, removed a strand of wild, curly hair from her face and cradled her waist in both his arms, 
'I love you...' he said kissing her forehead.
'Say you'll love me with alllll your heart', she said.
'I'll love you with alllll my heart', he repeated.
'Say you love everything about me...' she said.
'Yeah I do, less when you go ballistic though' he said matter-of-factly.
'Who asked you about your inputs?' she frowned. 'Shut up and repeat after me!'
Massey squeezed her gently and repeated 'I love everything about you.'
'Say you wont leave me ever, no matter what..'
'Wont leave you ever, no matter what.'
'Say you'll be okay with all my mood swings..'
'I'll be okay with all your mood swings.'
'Say you'll pull me up from the dark la-la land that I end up in so often...'
'I will pull you up from the dark la-la land that you end up in so often Rags, I promise, I will.'
She stared at him for one long minute and then said, 'Kiss me..'

He smiled inwardly. In one smooth movement he sweeped her off the ground to bring her to his head's height. Face against face, her arms around his neck, he spoke on her lips,
'You are an amusing little thing girl..' and kissed her. 
Kissed her like it was the very last moment that they were sharing together, like there was no tomorrow for them, like it was his only chance to clear all her doubts about his love for her. Kissed her like that kiss was meant to last forever.

The Conversation

'In love?' She repeated his words.
He nodded while looking at her, trying to assess her frame of mind.
'...I don't know…' she said in a frail voice, conscious of his gaze on her. She took a deep breath and propped herself up to sit straight and face him in the eye now.

‘I don’t understand it…the term – love...I mean, how does one know that it is love and not a fleeting case of infatuation?  It is strong, very strong whatever that I feel for you but, ‘love’...I don’t know…it might just fade tomorrow, you never know…how can it be love then…..’ she again almost lost her voice while saying that. Choked, she was.

It took all her strength to keep her voice from quivering and speaking again
‘…I was supposedly in love earlier also but…one morning I got up and it was all over for me…it was most definitely love but then, how could it possibly die out so abruptly…but it did…just like that…It wasn’t supposed to happen that way you know…'

His gaze on her intensified as he tried to read between the lines.
She looked away from his boring eyes and went on again 'It’s a fact, you are on my mind 24x7…there is not even a single second in the day that I don’t think about you…I don’t know how, when, in which moment I allowed you to ingrain so deeply in my being that now, you’ve become the nucleus of my existence…uninvited, unconsciously and unintentionally…its…its just…you know - too much, too soon…’

The irritation in her voice was just too apparent, she didn’t like whatever she was speaking. ‘I look for you in others…hear your name in others names…match their facial features with you…the bits of habits, personalities that reflect you….its like trying hard to solve a jigsaw puzzle...matching, framing, arranging, rearranging and then never getting it right…..’

She looked at him helplessly.
‘I feel like a slave for having my moods sway to the way you treat me…....you’ve rendered me useless! And I don’t like it…I just don’t like this dependency…this, this sense of losing myself in you….’
He was hearing her patiently.

‘For the short span of time that I’ve known you, the intensity of this height is odd…very, very odd... and it can definitely not be ‘love’..! It is not.’
She said firmly with a hint of rationality in her voice.

He nodded, the air had cleared for him.

The Longing

I miss you. Miss your comforting presence in my everyday life, I miss it. I miss your honest smile, miss your hearty laughter, your fuming anger, that irritated expression of yours over silly things, I miss it. I miss walking with you under the moonlit sky, waking up to your warm breathing against the back of my neck, I miss it. I miss sitting next to you sharing the silence, miss fighting with you at the top of our voices, the intense break ups, loving kiss and make ups, I miss it. I miss learning to make cigarette smoke rings by you on the terrace, those heart-to-heart conversations over rum and vodka glasses, I miss it. I miss the possessive feel of your hands over my bare body, your throaty whispers in my ear, those passionate love making moments, I miss it. I miss standing on your feet and walking, miss being scooped up by you in a sudden hug, dangling feet in the air with arms woven around your neck, I miss it. I miss dressing up for you, miss making efforts to impress you by cooking and baking recipes, I miss it. I miss your protective presence while crossing a busy road, treating me with an instinctive chivalry for just being a woman, I miss it. I miss resting my head against your strong chest after a hard day's work, the feel of your kiss on my tresses, the sense of security that you brought in the ring of your arms, I miss it.

I miss you Massey, in every form of yours, I miss you.

I miss us, in every form of being us, I miss us.

---- Rags